I need a laugh today – you?  (We can get back to the serious subjects later)

I was recently scanning the www.workingmother.com and saw a piece called “10 Not-so-guilty little secrets”.    As I read through them I thought to myself, “guilty secrets??”.  Should I feel guilty about these things and did 10 women each have to contribute one secret to make a list of ten?  They could have just called me and I could have given them all ten, I bet I could easily come up with twenty – and I would have been proud of them.   Not feeling ‘guilty’ about these things or feeling the need to even hide them gives me a sense of freedom. It makes me a unique brand of mother, maybe a little crazy but absolutely me.  So here are my takes on their little secrets…

Facial on a Friday

“Whenever I get the chance to take an extra workday off, I still take my son to day care and use the time to go the gym or the spa.” … well I have one scheduled each month, and it’s after work hours or on the weekend so I hire a babysitter to cover if Dad isn’t around.  I gave those wonderful children my little belly button (you remember the kind before we had kids?!), they will not take my skin tone too.

Pizza in the A.M.

“My child has eaten cold pizza for breakfast, ahem, maybe more than once (or twice).” … in the Boudreau household it is a treat to eat pizza in the morning.   On particularly busy weekends I order pizza on Friday nights and make sure to get extra so that we have enough for Sunday morning breakfast in the car on the way to church (if we make it there).  Many times we have been throwing away the pizza sauce stained napkins on the way in the church doors.  It has bread, dairy, fruit/veggies and protein (pepperoni does have protein right?).   So the way I look at it, pizza is a healthy alternative to syrup laden pancakes.

Secret Shopper

“Once a month I take an extra half an hour on my lunch break to go shopping by myself. Having that extra 30 minutes to get errands done alone feels like a vacation in the middle of the day.”… I am not much of a shopper but I love to eat so I would never ever give up a lunch break where I actually walked away from my desk.  But I have been known to take work reading to a local restaurant, sit a the bar, eat and have a glass a wine and apologize when getting home late from ‘work’.

Not Your Grandmother’s Meatballs

“My homemade meatballs are delicious…and actually come from Wal-Mart.”… honey, this is not a secret… everyone does it!!  My crazy good sauces are from Williams Sonoma – but why lie about it?  Spread the help to your fellow mothers.  Oh and I make the BEST brownies,  a little tip from Paula Dean – two boxes of brownie mix and some candy bars.  You are doing a great job simply by not heading through the nearest fast food drive thru.

Dinner with Elmo

“I pop cartoons on to get my kids to actually sit still at dinnertime and eat. Sad, I know.”…OK this one is sad but we all do it while feeding them meatballs from Wal-Mart at some point.  One of my favorite stories, which surprisingly I have not done yet was from my friend who had her kids eat alone in the kitchen one at a time to stop the bickering.  She told me this with an almost guilty voice and all I could say was ‘Brilliant!’.  How did I not think of it first?  We do have assigned seats at the dinner table so there is always an empty seat or an adult between each child.  A room between them now and then might be even better.

Backseat Snooze

“Once I took a 15-minute nap in the car while my daughter was in gymnastics instead of staying inside to watch her the entire class. No gold medal for this mom, but hey, I’ve got to get my sleep in where I can.”… smart girl, I applaud you.  Without sleep we can not be at our best, plain and simple.  When our children were still very young and the nights were endless ups and downs I took to sleeping in the corner of the closet when I was really exhausted.  I can’t remember how long it went on but once my husband discovered my mysterious absences and hiding place he began telling the toddlers to find mommy in the closet.

(Sort Of) Sick Day

“One morning we all slept in, and by the time we got up and out the door we were more than an hour late. I fibbed and told the school my kids had doctor appointments. Cough, cough.”… lady, you should feel guilty, lying is not appropriate.  Go ahead and tell a fib to your boss for being late, but not on behalf of the kids to the school.  While I have let the kids sleep in purposely, we do it proudly and honestly.  These are your kids and if you believe they need a little more sleep on very rare occasions then you have every right to do so.

Early To Bed

“I changed the time on my daughter’s clock to an hour earlier so it looked like it was bedtime and I could put her to sleep sooner. Mommy had a long day!” … this is where I turn in to my parents:
Me: “Time to go to bed”
Kids: “Why, it’s an hour before bedtime”
Me: “Because I said so and I make the rules!”
I have sent them to bed in their clothes, hands unwashed, teeth unbrushed and piles of books while I crawled to a quiet place to catch my z’s (and no, my place is no longer the closet because Dad ratted me out!).

Cyber Break

“Sometimes I sneak onto Facebook at work, like I am right now.”… gi-irl, at least make a little better use of your time.  I have ordered dinner delivery while in 5pm meetings so that food is at the house by the time I arrive, I have purchased shoes, children’s clothing and probably even Spanx while sitting at a board room table.  When life get’s crazy I turn to Zappo’s and Nordstrom’s apps for my phone.

Show Swap

“Occasionally I will rearrange the Netflix queue so that my daughter’s favorite shows don’t show up, and then I blame it on Netflix for messing it up because, seriously, how many episodes of Scooby Doo can one family watch?”…I give up, the kids are technologically superior to me in every way, I wouldn’t even bother to try this one.  I ask my eight year old for help with the TV.
Parents – we all have our quirks and things we might not think are normal.  Don’t hide them in order to keep up with the Jones.  Be the New Jones – the authentic ones.  Don’t worry about raising the bar, bend it a little, make it crooked.  Have fun, be honest and for the love of God, make sure to get some sleep!